People don’t outgrow introversion, so the introverted
adult was once an introverted child. What is true of one is true of
both. Contrary to popular opinion, introverts are not asocial, nor are
they friendless loners who lack social skills. They simply have
different social needs and preferences.
Friendships
It
is not easy for introverts to make new friends because getting to know
someone takes so much energy. However, introverts don’t need a wide
circle of friends. They prefer one or two close friends, even though
they may know many people and have a large number of acquaintances. In
spite of this preference, introverts are frequently criticized for not
making an effort to make more friends and are often seen to be lacking
social skills.
Social Preferences
Introverts
need a lot of personal space. They like being in a room alone with the
door closed and those who don’t understand introverts believe this
desire to be alone is a sign of depression. However, for introverts this
behavior is normal; it is not a sign of withdrawing from life. Being
around others is tiring for them so they need time alone in order to
regain some of their energy. Being alone also gives them a chance to
think and figure things out uninterrupted. Introverts don’t enjoy large
parties and if they have to attend one, prefer to spend their time with
just one or two others, talking about what they all know a lot about.
Introverted children may prefer to play on the side with one or two
other children.
Preferred Activities
Introverts
enjoy activities they can do alone or with just a few others. It’s not
surprising, then, that so many introverted gifted children love to read.
They also tend to prefer activities that allow for creative expression,
like creative writing, music, and art. Introverted children also enjoy
quiet and imaginative play. When presented with an opportunity to
participate in a group activity or game, introverts prefer to hang back
and watch before they join in. Many people see this as shyness, but it’s
not. They feel more comfortable with situations that are familiar to
them and they are simply trying to become familiar with the activity
before they join in.
Social Behavior
Introverts
tend to be quiet and subdued. They dislike being the center of
attention, even if the attention is positive. It’s not surprising, then,
that introverts don’t brag about their achievements or knowledge. In
fact, they may know more than they’ll admit. It may be the introverted
gifted children who are more at risk for “dumbing down” since they would
be more likely to want to hide their abilities.When introverts are
tired, in a large group, or if too much is going on, they may show
little animation, with little facial expression or body movement.
Introverts also have two distinct personalities: a private one and a
public one. That can explain why they can be talkative in comfortable
settings, like home, and quiet elsewhere.
Social Interaction
While
introverts may appear to lack social skills or be antisocial, neither
is true. Their style of social interaction is simply different from that
of extroverts. They tend to listen more than they talk and are
excellent listeners. They are attentive and will make eye contact with
the person they are listening to and rarely interrupt. When they do
talk, introverts tend to say what they mean and may look away from the
person they’re talking to. They dislike small talk and would rather say
nothing than something they feel is insignificant. Although introverts
are quiet, they will talk incessantly if they’re interested in the
topic. They also dislike being interrupted when they talk, or when
they’re working on some project.
Verbal Expression
If
given a choice, introverts would rather express their ideas in writing
than in speech. When they do speak, they need time to think before
answering a question. Sometimes they even feel the need to mentally
rehearse what they want to say before they say it. The need to think
before speaking often results in the introvert being slow to respond to
questions or comments. When they talk, they may also pause quite often
and even have problems finding the right word.
Emotions and Emotional Responses
Introverts
become emotionally drained after spending time with others,
particularly strangers. They don’t like crowded places and introverted
children can even become grouchy and irritable if they’ve been around
too many people for too long. Even when introverts enjoyed a party or
activity, they can feel drained afterwards. Parents often sign their
introverted children up for numerous activities to help them improve
their social skills, but an activity-filled schedule is overwhelming for
these children. Introverts are also rather territorial. They dislike
sharing space with others for too long and may find house guests
intrusive. Introverts also have a hard time sharing their feelings and
feel deeply embarrassed by public mistakes.
Other Traits and Preferences
Introverts
can concentrate intensely on a book or project for a long time if they
find it interesting and like to explore subjects deeply and thoroughly.
That may be why introverts don’t like to be bothered when they are
reading or working on a project. Introverts are highly aware of their
inner world of perceptions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and feelings. They
are also highly aware of their surroundings, noticing details that
others don’t see. However, they are not quick to discuss their thoughts
or observations. They may, for example, wait days or weeks to talk about
events. Introverts also favor consistency over change, and cope with
change best when they know ahead of time what to expect and have enough
time to prepare for it.
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